Walls!
by dragonfreak1991
Summary: Harry is depressed and starts to realise how much he likes Prof. Snape, can they break each others walls and love form? Set after Order of the Phoenix but before Halfblood Prince doesn't follow HBP's story line, Alternate Universe I suppose.
1. Chap 1: Help Me For I Can't Help Myself!

_**I can't believe what is in front of me**_

_**The water's rising up to my knees**_

_**And I can't figure out**_

_**How the hell I wound up here**_

_**Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day**_

_**Then the rain came pouring down**_

_**And now I'm drowning in my fears**_

_**And as I watch the setting sun**_

_**I wonder if I'm the only one**_

_**Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line**_

_**And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes**_

_**And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly**_

_**Sometimes I fall**_

_**But I've seen it done before**_

_**I gotta step outside these walls**_

_**I've got no master plan to help me out**_

_**Or make me stand up for**_

_**All the things that I really want**_

_**You had me too afraid to ask**_

_**And as I look ahead of me**_

_**I cry and pray for sanity**_

_**Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line**_

_**And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes**_

_**And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly**_

_**Sometimes I fall**_

_**But I've seen it done before**_

_**I gotta step outside these walls**_

_**These walls can't be my haven**_

_**These walls can't keep me safe here**_

_**And now I guess I gotta let them down**_

_**Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line**_

_**And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah**_

_**Even when I'm scared I have to try to fly**_

_**Sometimes I fall**_

_**But I've seen it done before**_

_**I got to break out...**_

_**I got to break out...**_

_**I got to step outside these walls**_

_**Love outside these walls**_

_**I feel my heart breaking**_

_**But its a brand new day**_

_**I'm going down**_

_**I'm stepping out**_

_**I'm stepping outside**_

_**These walls**_

_**(I've seen it done before… I'm walking on, I'll walk it off, oh I'm moving on)**_

A groan and blinking of his eyelids when the light shone onto his face and he groaned again, just to hear a chuckle from his side, whipping his wand around to the sound of the laughter the person laughed again, "You know Potter that look is most fitting for you, your nose scrunched up in pure torture trying to think, don't hurt yourself; the wizarding world wouldn't thank you for that…" The boy laying on the bed sat up and glared, cutting the older man off, "You know what if I was hurt the wizarding world couldn't thank me since I'd be in the deepest pits of hell, I thank you for concerning yourself with my affairs of looks yet with some like yours I'd be horrified if you tried to give that type of advice to me. Keep your huge nose outta my business and I won't care what you do; now can you back up and shut those bloody blinds?"_** Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes**_ "Come now Potter surely your relatives didn't bring you up to not know manners and to make others do chores for you, but since you asked kindly I shall shut the 'bloody' blinds and I shall back up from you…" The man's cutting voice rung out again. Blinds closed and the man stood over near the bathroom door, and Harry groaned. "On second thought; just get out Snape, it's my room I'm allowed to do what I like…" Severus smirked "Yes how very childish of you, as much as I'd like to allow you to be doing whatever you want to the headmaster has requested that I stay with you, apparently worried for your mental health or something…"

_**I've got no master plan to help me out Or make me stand up for All the things that I really want You had me too afraid to ask And as I look ahead of me I cry and pray for sanity**_ :Just get out I need to fucking go cut myself and masturbate to the pain: The boy hissed at Severus and the man flinched, shivering slightly yet his face was impassive. "Would you care to repeat that in English or should I simply assume you were just cursing me to hell?" Harry chuckled, "Sure, I said get out…"

"Sounded longer than just that, care to finish it?"

"No, just get the fuck outta my room you bastard!"

"Tut, tut Potter, as I said before I can't, the headmaster is making me follow you every minute of every waking day, at least, during these holidays…" Melodramatic sigh from Harry; "Can't you at least let me go to the bloody toilet alone? Surely you'd love that wouldn't you _professor_? Seeing Harry Potter in a light that no-fucking-body has seen before, having ammunition to embarrass me later with…"

"I assure you Potter, I do not fancy you that way and if you even think I do you'd better clear you head, surely you'd love being watched like that wouldn't you; my, my, my Harry Potter the school boy slut!" The room came crushing down into an awkward as a resounding SMACK rang through the area. Harry's eyes were shining with pure rage and unreserved loathing, his voice deepened and he whispered dangerously close to Severus's ear; "Don't presume to know everything about me, don't presume to know my life, and most importantly never underestimate me professor because I sure as hell know some things to make your life a living hell…" The man came out of his shock quickly and responded with, "And I yours…" But he was cut off with another resounding smack echoing the room.

"Truly I'm getting dead bored with your attitude professor, and I shan't be happy if I don't get what I want, and what I want is for you to exit my room, stand by the door and wait there for fifteen minutes, can you do that _professor_?" Harry teased yet there was seriousness in his voice, a dangerous whip of magic flicked around Severus, tossing his hair around and Severus answered begrudgingly, "I can do that…" Severus left the room noting where Harry was still laying down yet tried to think nothing of it. "Damn Dumbledore, damn Snape, damn bloody fucking weaknesses…" Harry mumbled to himself as he went into his bathroom. It wasn't huge but it was bigger than the bathroom at the Dursley's, it was good enough for what he wanted to do, he wanted to cut, he wanted to masturbate, he wanted to have a shower to get any smells of him masturbating off. Grabbing a razor he slashed his right wrist, thanking Merlin it was winter and he could wear long sleeves, twice pinching the skin when little red droplets of blood shimmered on the surface of his skin. Smiling at the pain it created he reached down to his already hard cock and did only one thing dug his nails into the underside of his cock, hissing in pain yet the pain caused him to come which caused pleasure to him. _**All the things that I really want You had me too afraid to ask And as I look ahead of me I cry and pray for sanity**_ Laughing quietly, he washed quickly in a bath, dressing himself in a regal green coloured long shirt that hung off his chest slightly, a pair of black satin slacks, a leather jacket and his dragon hide boots looked at himself in the mirror quickly before stepping outside of the bathroom then out of his bedroom to see Snape leaning against the wall and Harry couldn't deny that he looked sexy when the older man wasn't scowling.

Almost as if Snape heard his thoughts he glared at the boy and said, "Took you long enough, wouldn't expect any less from a selfish little br…" He was cut off, surprisingly not with a slap, but with Harry's wand shoved against his neck, "I could do it you know but I won't, no more comments about my life, how you think it is then maybe one day somebody will prove you wrong and pull down all your silly little walls you put up to stop people from seeing the real you, from seeing…" This time it was Harry who was cut off, "What would you know about walls you idiot boy? You've had everything served to you…" He trailed off, though still fuming, he grabbed Harry's right wrist and stormed off down the stairs and into the kitchen where Molly was making breakfast, everybody looked up when they entered but looking between Harry and Snape with their hands joined everybody glared and went back to stabbing their breakfasts. "Here Severus, and here you go Harry, you better eat that all up, you really are too thin, not to say that I wasn't surprised when I saw you here but it's a good thing now you can eat all you like dear boy…" She trailed off when Ginny came in and Molly fused over her own daughter instead of Harry, who had his right hand on his lap when he felt a hand grip his wrist tightly which made him wince. "Harry, what's wrong? It's not your scar is it?" Hermione asked when she looked up from her breakfast to see his pained face, he gave her a reassuring smile (or at least he hoped so) then mumbled, "No, no, just… thinking about how Sirius was always here to make jokes and now it's really quiet is all…"


	2. Chapter 2: Conversations To Myself!

**Walls;  
**

**Chapter Two: Conversations To Myself;**

Gasp when his hand connects with mine, I can't believe it that it was him this morning, I could have guessed after all he was the one sitting next to me it just didn't seem likely, not unlikely just improbable. Like everybody thought I was a pure-hearted saviour, didn't it occur to them that maybe I needed a saviour too, of course not, by now I was seething mad with anger, how dare the wizarding world treat me like dirt, how fucking dare they. :They deserve to die the little traitorous bastards, only Snape was the one who stayed the same, but he hates me anyway, typical that when I think I might be falling for him, he still hates me, maybe even more if that is physically possible: I hissed in Parseltongue smiling when the people in the library jumped and ran out of the room as quick as possible, I laughed out loud; "Cowards the bloody lot of them, and people say I'm the coward, ha I should have just gone into Slytherin at least there I'd be hated and know I'd be hated unlike here I don't know what to think of them anymore, Hermione and Severus are the only two people I really trust anymore, I trust Remus but his barely ever here anymore what with being on Order meeting and such…" I sighed, then snorted, "And nobody knows what I do to myself at night, nobody has noticed a few changes that are very explanatory for my mood swings, Remus would know he'd try to kill me at first and then… then he'd understand, it wouldn't be him though the werewolf in him would try at first… Ha nobody knows and they never will…" I spoke not noticing the shadow in the corner of the room. _**I can't believe what is in front of me The water's rising up to my knees And I can't figure out How the hell I wound up here Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day Then the rain came pouring down And now I'm drowning in my fears And as I watch the setting sun I wonder if I'm the only one **_"Perhaps Mr Potter you should watch what you say out aloud in a supposedly empty room, how very Gryffindorish of you?" A voice came out of the shadows and I jumped. "W…W…What are you doing here?" I cursed myself for my shaking voice, I'd just admitted so much in the space of ten minutes.

"Oh just listening to the teenage confessions of the boy who lived… quite boring drivel really…"

"You don't know anything Snape it's not like anybody would ever like you!" Wand pointed towards my chest, poking my ribs, "Better to be alone then to be lonely, better being alone then having people hate you and for what you are doing which you believe nobody knows, does it make you shiver? Does hurting yourself give you copious amounts of pleasure?"

Gasp and shiver as his wand pushes into my ribs, can feel it bruising but I think it feels great. Moan and open my mouth to try to breathe yet coughs slightly, "You like it don't you, the pain it makes you feel something, makes you feel pleasure from the pain?" Groans in appreciation from his words; his silky voice making the pain ten times worse or in my case ten times better or more pleasure.


	3. Chapter 3: Sirius I'm Blind!

_**Now the story's out**_

_**I see how it's been**_

_**You've been living it up**_

_**While I've been lost in a dream**_

_**Said you were faithful**_

_**I believed your lies**_

_**I have been your fool**_

_**But now it's me who's got wise**_

****

****

_**All the while I gave to you my heart and soul**_

_**You just left me out in the cold**_

****

_**I've been blind**_

_**I've been taken for a ride**_

_**You used me and you lied**_

_**But somehow I didn't see**_

_**I've been Blind**_

_**While you were my lover**_

_**You said there was no other**_

_**As you cheated on me**_

****

****

_**So long have I waited**_

_**Just to learn the truth**_

_**So humiliated by the things that you do**_

_**Fooled by your deception**_

_**Tricked by your disguise**_

_**Never saw the secrets**_

_**That were there in you eyes**_

****

****

_**All the while I gave to you my heart and soul**_

_**You just left me out in the cold**_

_**I've been blind**_

_**I've been taken for a ride**_

_**You used me and you lied**_

_**But somehow I didn't see**_

_**I've been Blind**_

_**While you were my lover**_

_**You said there was no other**_

_**As you cheated on me**_

****

****

_**I closed my eyes, I fell asleep and I dreamed...**_

_**I dreamed of perfect love, pure and true**_

_**I dreamed of perfect love for me and you**_

****

****

_**All the while I gave to you my heart and soul**_

_**You just left me out in the cold**_

_**I've been blind**_

_**I've been taken for a ride**_

_**You used me and you lied**_

_**But somehow I didn't see**_

_**I've been Blind**_

_**While you were my lover**_

_**You said there was no other**_

_**As you cheated on me**_

I sighed, I couldn't believe he had deceived me again, bloody bastard Snape was. Not like it mattered, he knew now, he knew everything; he knew that I cut; he knew that I get pleasure from pain, he knew what the gold ring with a lion cuddling a black dog on my left ring finger meant to me; he knew everything, and that's what petrified me so badly. "What are you doing here?" I asked clearly hiding my fear, though concerned to why he was still there; after all he knew why he wasn't running the other way was surprising me. "You loved him didn't you? And he loved you, more than any godfather should love his godson, that ring is proof of that, how long?" I didn't need to ask what he meant, since we both knew everything. How long had Sirius and I been involved? "Not long enough, but it seems like eternity now, he… we… He was the best person I could ever ask for to come into my life, he helped me up when I was down, he'd always know just what to say to help me come around. We didn't do much, he said I was too young, that we had to wait, and that this year, now in fact, we could tell everybody and… and… and to consummate our love…" I broke down into sobs, not expecting to hear Severus's footsteps come over to me, for his arms to circle my fragile body and rub circles on my lower back easing my hiccupping sobs. "It's alright, it's alright now, Harry, relax Sirius would want you to be relaxed… I understand Harry, I understand…" Non-sensual words were coming out of his mouth, his vocal chords vibrating against my neck, I shiver and sniffled mumbling, "I know, that's what makes me miss him so badly… so lonely; so, so lonely… Miss it, miss him…" Slight cough, "Not fair, not fair…"

"Come on; let's get you to bed…" Snape said to me, I gave a grimace while mumbling, "Dun wanna sleep…" I slurred my words together. Don't want to sleep; he knew that but he was looking after me now, Severus would look after me. It was scary how much faith I was putting in him as he lifted me up from the cold library floor into his warm, strong arms. Carrying me through the house, that was both pitch dark and silent, into my bedroom, banging the door shut with his foot placing me gently onto my bed. "You'll be alright just remember that Harry. Just remember that…" _**I closed my eyes, I fell asleep and I dreamed... **__**I dreamed of perfect love, pure and true I dreamed of perfect love for me and you All the while I gave to you my heart and soul You just left me out in the cold**_ The pain that was throbbing in my heart and in my brain was overmastering, struggling to stay conscious, "It's alright Harry, just let go, sleep… Dream lovely dreams…" His voice held no malice, no anger, just pure love, concern; like Sirius used to speak to me before I went and got him killed. A sob wracked my body, another followed, soon I was a weeping mess all the while Severus held me rubbing circles on my back whispering comforting words, and a part of me felt him put up a silencing charm on my room. Eyes close and his words become a fading slur, too tired to listen anymore, too distraught to bother thinking anymore, I slipped into a fitful sleep full of Sirius falling through the veil and not being able to get to him.

**Running, fast, run, faster, running down the stairs. Prophecies line the walls, HJP and TMR, I'd found it. Death eaters are there. Bellatrix is laughing, Sirius taunting her, his body arching, falling through the veil. Pure despair. Remus not letting me go after Sirius, at least then I wouldn't be alone. Alone. Running. Through a muggle graveyard, flowers on the tombstones. Running all alone. "Sirius Orion Black: A well loved man, though not always right he did what he believed was right. A kind hearted, fun-loving prankster, one of the Marauders. Rest In Peace! Godfather to the boy-who-lived, and best friend of James and Lily Potter." Pure despair. Alone, all alone. Running. Through the grave yard, port-key to another grave-yard. "Kill the spare!" Sirius falls down in a flash of green light, dead, eyes staring with pure hatred. "NOOOOOOO!" I scream, but nobody hears, Sirius laying dead, I fall down by his side. Running, alone. Sirius's body arching into the veil. Dead. Alone. Tombstones. Bellatrix laughing, Voldemort, flashes of green light streaming towards Sirius, "No Sirius!" Dead. Alone. "Sirius!" Sobs wrecking my body, laying by his tombstone, next to the veil, his gone and not coming back. Dead. Alone. "Dead, so alone!"**

I gasped as I felt shaking, I whipped my wand from beneath my pillow towards the offender's neck, "Harry? Harry; Harry it's Severus. You had a bad dream…" Bad dream. Bad dream didn't cover it at all, but what could I tell Severus, I had to say something. "Would you like to talk about it?" I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes again, "W…W…Water…" I managed to rasp out and he conjured a glass of water and I sipped at it while taking in his sleepless eyes, he hadn't got much sleep the other night, the purple-ish brown bags underneath his eyes were just another thing that worried me. "Did I wake you?" I managed to mumble, ashamed that I didn't put up a silencing charm. "I don't know what you want from that question Harry. It's alright to have nightmares, do you want to talk about it?" I nodded slightly, taking another sip at my water which was now half gone. "It was… It was Sirius…" My voice broke, and my tears flowed down my cheeks now. I shook my head trying to say that I couldn't say anymore. "It's alright now, just a dream, just a bad, bad dream…" He soothed, his voice was so silky, yet at the same time husky.


End file.
